Has a Whole Year Gone By?

Where did the time go? It has been a year since the passing of my mom, and I have no idea how a year went by without my knowledge or consciousness. The first three months were a blur of just trying to get through the day with the knowledge that she would not be at the office to greet clients, she would not be home playing games on her iPad with PeeWee on her lap, and she would not be available to chitchat with me or help me make decisions about what to wear, how to decorate or how to deal with a social issue.

After that, I had to deal with the hard stuff.....how a girl goes on without her mom who is her best friend and confidant. I can’t tell you how many times this year I have picked up my cell to text or call her. I am still doing it weekly. I just can’t seem to delete her name and number from my phone. There are still a lot of “I can’ts.”I can’t clean out her night table drawer. I can’t get rid of her gray fleece jacket. I can’t get rid of all of her yarn. I can’t stop from thinking about her. I can’t stop missing her!

But, I CAN...

I can think about her without tearing up. I can think about the fun family events that made her so proud. I can think about how happy her great-granddaughters made her. I can think about the perfect great-grandmother name the she created: Bubbub. I can think about calling her up for dinner and she would say she was just going to eat cereal. I can think about her devotion to our clients at the center. I can think about how she didn’t want to leave the house and loved the sanctuary she created in my home. I can think about how much coffee she actually drank. I can think of all of the wonderful things she taught me. And now that a year has passed, I can think about her belly laugh. And because time changes things, that memory, most of all, makes me smile from ear to ear!